NEDA Week 2010: Being an Anorexic’s Husband

…no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it…
                                              -Ephesians 5:29

**originally posted to our private blog, Feb 2010

It’s National Eating Disorder Week.  My wife decided she wanted to do something for it on the blog, to raise awareness and tell her own story.  She wrote four posts, but after finishing them she decided she didn’t want you to see them.  Scared that the posts would come across selfish, place her family in a bad light, and share details of her life that she worked so hard to keep private, she thought it might be better not to tell the story.

For a long time, as she struggled with her eating disorder, I asked myself why it was happening.  Why was it happening to her?  To me?  To us?  It didn’t quite seem fair that a couple that had been only married for 12 months would be forced to go through something so strange and difficult.

I came to one conclusion of why God would let it happen.  I always thought that maybe he didn’t prevent her (he never afflicts) from getting it so that she could tell her story and hopefully prevent others from feeling these same terrible things.  Therefore, I was excited when she was writing and worried when she said she wasn’t going to post them.  For that reason, I decided to post first.  Hers are all written, so tomorrow’s post is supposed to be the first one.  Consider this the prefix.

The words she writes to you are so important.  Know that she’s spilling stuff out that a couple years ago, only she knew.  Some stuff in these next few days, I didn’t even know.

The best way I can explain anorexia for people is that it’s a disease where the person is addicted to losing weight.  The eating (or lack thereof) is only secondary to the main goal of losing weight.  Therefore, an anorexic will eat, but they will do so in a way that feeds their addiction.  When the scale reads a weight lower than yesterday, it’s a success.  Eating, working out, restricting, not eating – all feeds the addiction.

As anyone who knows someone with an addiction, it’s difficult for them to listen to reason.  Try to reason with an alcoholic about how it’s the alcohol.  Tell a gambling addict that the bets are ruining their life.  They’ll all find excuses, stories, reasons around their addiction, and unless they’re ready, they’ll refuse that they have a problem… even if it’s all too clear to everyone else in the world.  This is where I was with her as she entered into recovery.  I knew there was a problem.  I didn’t know what it was, but however I reasoned with her, there was always a way around it.  It usually ended with complete refusal.

She is much better now than she was just two years ago.  She’s an amazing woman.  She’s absolutely stunning.  Yes, even pregnant!  However, there are still struggles with it and I think there always will be to some degree.  Please listen to her words and please forward them to anyone you think might have a problem.  It might just save their life.